The limerick is furtive and mean, You must keep her in close quarantine, Or she sneaks to the slums, And promptly becomes, Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

Modesty landed, Facade were necessary, however everyone was naked in Ha mam.

he stood with his sniper pointed to a well dressed man in a building across the roof that he was within. This was his mission so he guessed that it was time for another paycheck.

Grandpa's newest invention was "Water proof coveralls" . The neat part was watching them fill up like a balloon every time Grandpa farted. Then his beard would fluff up when the

Sometimes, we have to fight for the ones we love. Even if the ones we love happen to be androphobics in HR with large tummies and penchants for sausage.

"If you had a fire in a convenience store & Gatorade were flammable we could get sued, so we put the flame retardant in it." "...and what does brominated vegetable oil taste like?"

Becca snuck into her ex's house every night, only stealing what she could fit in her bindle. Tonight, she sought his heirloom: the remote control. Stealth ops were required because

Luis was making a pizza delivery south of the border. The customs officer asks him if he has anything to declare. "Solo un cheese pizza officer an' 2 colas." "I smell anchovies

Is it me or is Andy Rooney's face really really really red. Like boiled Dungeness Crabs. Crabs with grey wool coming out of them. I don't even think that is his office.

"Must I?" "Yes. To do anything else would be instant death. Conformity, m'lad, is your saving grace. People are scared of 'different'." He sulked in The Medieval Times break room,

After Teresa instituted her new regime we, the living from both rigs, took a break to lick our wounds. I, thinking it was iced tea, drank a whole large jar of LSD laced jalapeños.

HI

The coroner drops the brain onto the scale. Scribbles a note. "Well?" asks Det. Manatee, munching on a celery stick. The coroner shuts his notebook. "Erototoxin overdose." He takes

So I was stuck watching figure skating. I was all alone with a bowl of mac and cheese. What I can't figure out is why the figure skating made me cry.

Then Cobra Commander slammed his fist on the desk, rattling the computer bank. "If I see one more person write "Yay." on Facebook, I will melt the world's children!" He'd

Once upon a time, there was a class. In this class there was

There is darkness. There are shrubs. There is a cigarette bud. There is fire.

Small or not, Trump's hands were nowhere near as large as his...ego. If Trump were to measure his success by the size of his beaver basher...well...the sky's the limit.

Channel 11 News: Live on scene. "Today Santa Clause has been arrested." The News Reporter said. "It all started at the parade.."

"My name's not Shirley. And I never joke. Also, that's not milk you're drinking."