"Eighteen, twelve, fourteen," she read; I punched the numbers into the console and braced myself as the ship lurched under the blast. Our chances were slim, but if we could just

Roses are red/Violets are blue

He squeezed the pimple. It was deep under the skin. It wasn't ready. His eyes watered, he wanted to cry out

Inappropriate my ass! I only asked if you have any hermaphrodite calipers. Quit being asinine and check your stores. Oops! Sorry Officer! No I wasn't cursing at her. I didn't say

今天天气还可以，下午要去学校，把下学期要用的讲义整理一下，跟一个学生家教，希望教室里不要太热。放暑假的时候，学校有音乐营，常听到不同的乐曲演奏，跟平常的气氛很不一样，满有意思的。

Tom bought a box of expensive cigars and insured them against fire. Then he filed a claim to the insurance company stating that he lost them in a series of small fires. The judge

The gay man looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'm so happy."

"This trumpet is haunted, did you know that?" Percy shoved the instrument in my face. It was tarnish and dull and smelled faintly of cigarette smoke. Percy was a fucking liar.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the first day of school! I was ready to return. This was, afterall, my senior year and I was looking forward to

"Sir, we've deciphered the aliens message!" The communications officer came barreling into the boardroom as all the leading generals leaned forward in anticipation. "It says

As the professor walks in, he announces,"Good news everyone, I saw a asteroid heading directly for Earth and we all are going to die." Fry says franticly," Wait, I am only human

Who would like to get naked and jump in a hot tub filled with pepto bismal and shave my buttox

I was in my room when i saw a spider and it bit me. I turned into spiderwoman and got green goblin and then i was on my way home when another spiderwoman came up and it was on, so

wrecked into millions of peices. The police came and I had no idea what to tell him, he kept on asking me what had happend and I told him that I

I was sitting on my couch watching tv when someone rang my doordell. so i got up walked to the door and unlocked it then opened it and who i saw suprised me so much that i shouted

in the coldest of nights, homer simpson drags his trash bag to the garbage and suddenly

today is a beautiful day!!!

I wonder how many fingernails sit undigested in my stomach from all the times I absently gnawed them from my fingers? I'm certainly adding to the collection right now...Waiting for

There was just nothing in the world better than a pair of orange tap shoes. Unless it was neon-green toenail polish. Either way, he was pretty sure

DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES?!?!?!