Once upon a time there waz a duck that triped and fell and couldnt get up

He joined Twitter so he could follow the lives of his favourite celebrities. The problem was, he followed so many, that

He said he got his computer for school. But

He was getting ready to spread it like mayonaise when the door flung open.

Ariel felt PR was her calling. With a dash of her pen, problems became features. She often felt that the world would be better off if God had been in PR.

Edwin was from Philadelphia and therefore disgusted byt the recent flavored pretzel phenomenon. It was an outrage. Cheese was bad enough, but apple connamon? NO! He decided to kill

Sheila's face became somber and she hugged tight a tiny ‘Elmo’ who started shaking and giggling like a schizophrenic epileptic. It was apparent who wore the pants in his family.

The colors of sunset filled the sky as Angie drove her car out and onto the freeway. After 30 years of marriage she'd had enough. She had drugged Ed's donut filling. He lay dying

Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. I won't take responsibility, for my actions.

Jim was always bored when he went to his grandpapy's. There was nothing to do. He would wake up, go down stairs and have his seedless brown bread with seedless raspberry jam.

I tend to reprint my stuff to and from other places out of sheer laziness.

At age 42 and starting a new career—I’m not-so-subtly being reminded that I’m not “entry level” age.

If there was anything that could be learned from last night's transgressions, it's this: Never do an acid enema with your friends. Seventeen hours earlier, I was eating a

I hate Thursdays. Odd day, I know. Mondays, sure. Wednesdays -- yeah hump day's hard on a lot of people. But most people are OK with Thursday. Thing is, I'm not most people.

"Stop right there!" I screamed. My eyes widened as the rhino slowed to a trot, then halted in a cloud of dust. I knew this was my only chance.

The air of Chormandy filled my nose as I gazed out over the beach. Suddenly, a terrible pain ripped through the my right hand, and shot through my chest like a greasy cheeseburger.

"Shit neva go down da way ya like it", the old man mused, taking another bite of Bill's torso. "Bacon do taste good, do taste good though."

Yup. She was definitely dead. Oh Jesus, this is not good. Not good at all.

She looked at me with amorous eyes. She breathed heavily, covered in sweat and drool as if struggling to exist. But her glare had more strength than 20 men. Her stomach gurgled...

Like many people,Manny was a people-pleaser.It didn't please HIM,but it felt like the right thing to do.Until a day when