as the baby Murphy the elephant roamed through the plaines with his mother, he wondered when dad would come home. he was tired & hungry. why did dad have to leave during the move.

In the morning, i decided to go to my friend's house when, i came out of my house, i was shocked to see a monster made up of ice and is carrying a trampler hammer

The mouse scurried down the hall with a ball of cheese and a map that gave the exactly location of the final piece of the puzzle. Of all four hundred pieces, this would finally do

one day i was playing in the sand box, ands sand got in my eye, so i started to scream, and run around in cirlces i likedsand but not any more, now i like to

Sometimes I wish I knew what she thought. I wish

To get to the root of the problem I was going have to remove each of my fingers. I had stolen a cleaver from the local butcher and my plan was to start with my left pinky. It was

Long ago, on a distant and abandoned isle, there was a structure like none other, so unique and divine that not even a fully trained army could destroy it. The guard was bored so

"There's no place like home", she said as she spilled her entire caramel macchiato. Karma bent over to pick up the cup and knocked her head on the end table. "Farking hell!"

"What starts with 'come here' and ends with 'ouch'?"

The Congress had planned on coming up with a plan to raise the debt ceiling...but Sen. Orrin Hatch (R) thought they were "raising the roof", which he heard about on Oprah and was

He knew he'd be stuck here on the john for a while, so he picked up a reader's digest. Good thing they write these to be read in the space of an average bowel movement, he thought.

He should have masturbated while she was out today. He could of found some internet "strange." But she might want to actually do it later, and now it was late and there would be

As my house fell away into the crevice below I lamented my own misfortune, yet I could not help feeling pride for the explosive batch of lamingtons that set off

"Merry Christmas!" he said, more a challenge than a greeting. He waited, looking for the expression that would send him to sensitivity training. His wife had taken the kids and he

"Too Bad." The meter maid ripped off the ticket and stuffed it in my mouth. So I

The cyborg entered the decompression chamber. He felt along the wall until he sensed where the audio-intercept device was installed. A mini-torch from his finger

He slipped into the room, invisible yet again. No one knew him. No one saw him. No one cared. He smiled briefly, allowing himself the modicum of joy. His anonymity served him well.

Tiffany put on her hot red dress & favorite perfume. She was so excited about their Valentine's day date, but when Brad took her to the Wastewater Treatment Plant in Brooklyn

The coffee mug was empty. It wasn't strictly a mug in the truest sense of the word, but a blender pitcher that had been the last clean vessel for caffeine. He stared in despair at

Today the Apple dumpling gang