It was the kind of speech that awakens passion you didn't know you had, that makes you say, "The front lines? No biggie." I filled my quiver and charged, one klutzy archer against

Thoughts

It is like this one time our bullfrog told us, "Frogs! 50 of you are going into the pond but only 25 of you are coming back". The other 49 and I froglets looked at each sure that w

We went about our affairs on Earth, confident as rulers of this world while Intellects vast, cool & unsympathetic regarded our planet with envy slowly & surely drawing their plans.

"O my children. Stop your bickering just this once. Make peace with your maker." The voice wasn't really his." He'd passed denial. The asteroid would impact. Others knew, surely.

"What would you do if your son was at home on the bedroom floor, 'cause he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money? And his daddy's

"Congratulations Ma'am on becoming 120. Can you share the secret of your old age?" "That's easy. Avoid death." "Could you um.. elaborate?" "When he visits the home, I'm not here."

He looked down on his cousin on remote camera and thought "we'll it's your choice. It's just too bad you chose to become a fat bastard I wish you would've chose to become

Thanks to the Motolounger™ you never leave the comfort of your own recliner. It tops out at 20 mi/hr & has a mount for golfbag, a beer tap and a pouch for the remote control.

Take a fist and put it through a Zombies chest, grab whatever hot and salty goo is in there and twist. That's how I like to start my morning. Grim. Fetid. Committed.

The manager wanted to take it one higher, and convinced Newt to appear as Mr. Newton McGrinch for the Xmas show. Comedy & Calamity was preprogrammed when Robin Williams heckled

if you dont pull over im going to scream rape out this window

In a hushed and serious tone Jethro asked Pastor Wheeler if he could have his car when the Raptures came. "I figure you ain't gonna need a Porsche and Scratch cayun't catch no 918

Capt. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Chekov and Lt. Green entered the glade where Pooh and Piglet were trying to restart their bloody chainsaws. Spock held out his tricorder towards them.

Dan stepped into the darkened house. He paused, sensing he wasn't alone. He called out shakily, "Hello?" A long pause, then the lights flicked on. "Surprise! Happy Thanksgivukkah!"

The finger started moving on it's own accord. Why though? Why now? It dragged me across the room, pulling me out the door and on to the streets of London. It was a rainy afternoon

"No no I don't think YOU understand" the ad guy said. "I don't want juicy" (he made air quotes). "I want a frikkin flash flood in my mouth! I don't want flavorful. I want a grenade

Dear FS Family: We've been duped! I found out that SlimWhitman is neither slim, nor Swiss. He's not the shadowy manatee-loving fellow we all thought. His real name is Mario & lives

Lucy Van pelt was arrested for imitating a psephologist. It was the time of her court case. Charlie Brown was the first witness and he

"Hi, my name is Jimbles Notronbo! I love to science and 80's hairstyles. Do you want to be my friend?" The little bird on the pavement did not respond. Jimbles was furious, "All I