In a distant mental asylym the waited fall had arrived. it's been 4 years and now it's time for the competition. consisting of 4 events. The first was

David Letterman's Top 10 Reasons Why Hillary Clinton Will Win The Presidency: #10: Unlike her male counterparts, she actually grew a pair.

The witching hour came. The wind howled outside. The rain looked like blood splattering on the window. The manthing sniffed the air. Then continued eating the severed head.

She was done. After all the years of naysayers and doubt, she had finally accumulated enough abandoned scraps of cloth to sew together a life size replica of the Queen of Spain.

“Apology accepted, Captain Needa.” Said Captain Tebow. Needa was the rookie from Wisconsin who was co-Captain with Tebow in today's scrimmage against

“Your wonton will freeze before you reach the first marker.” said his co-worker at the Panda Express factory. But his friend was in giant freezer, “Then I’ll see you in Hell!”

What idiot architect decided to add a curling arena to penthouse garden was anyone's guess. But after a few drinks, a stone would fall hurtling the 30 stories to a bimmer below.

One morning, as I waltzed accross the street, I noticed two strange men loitering by a broken lamp. I strode over to see what all the commotion was about, and...

if your happy an u no it clap ur hands (clap_clap) if you happy an u no it clap ur hands (clap_clap) if ur happy and u noe it and ur face will surely show it if ur happy an u no it

As I sit here in his sweat shirt smiling at the thought of him, jack came to my mind and how he would react to this. Jack is controlling and protective but he's sweet too. I love

"Why take responsibility for my inaction when the universe is a video game and my player is AFK?" "Well, mister, tell your AFK player to take out the trash, or you're grounded."

Everyday I would sit in traffic jams going to work and coming home. Finally, I bought a monster truck and the traffic no longer was a problem. I didn't even worry about parking

Several years ago, I left the marketing racket. I was tired of the old slog. Ready for some excitement. But the bills just were not getting paid, so that was when I entered

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I said as I nodded disapprovingly at the startled student.

I have a spotty dog. However many times I try to count the spots, I always lose count, what with the struggling, around the stomach area. I called the Samaritans helpline.

He was a network engineer. A happy network engineer until he fell in love with Karla, an experienced veterinarian,who at the time was being harrassed by David, a sadistic novelist.

The Mayans gathered around the stone tablets. "Did you remember leap years?" said the head priest. The mason sighed, "Let's just stop at 2012. I need a break."

She couldn't handle living this way. Minimal money to pay the bills and living off cheap instant coffees and day old bread. Things had to change.

"A pirate's sweat tastes like whiskey." I look at William (instead of drop kicking his chest) and say, "and you know this how?"

its 6:00 am and just got 4 hours of sleep and now i have to go to