My hands hurt. My back ached. Hell, everything hurt or ached. Working in the mines was at the unfortunate center of the Pain - Suffering - Hopelessness Venn diagram.

At first, Monty Trellis was excited about the tour to promote his new book, "Stalking: A Scientific Approach." But after a few cities he noticed the same woman turning up at each s

Mattie Moe Man had finally

She died a little every-time he looked at her after that. Filling herself up with guilt and self-hatred.

Dragging through yet another day. I remember when I was younger - when it didn't take quite so much effort to lift my feet off the ground.

I felt faint, looking out to the pouring rain in my High School. When will my Mother be here? And then, I saw him. The one I've loved since the seventh grade.

For a long time, he had been considering wearing the skirt. Who decided that men couldn't entertain this option, after all? This one, a plaid crepe, was calling to him and he

Privately he felt that the world would be much better off if humanity were a race of androgynous, hermaphroditic, caramel-skinned dwarves, but publicly, he held fast to the ideal

ive just learned about the monkey jesus. seems this was some 80 year old spanish chick's attempt at restoring a piece of art in her church. i will totally be this chick when im 80.

The news anchor then said with a chuckle, "And on the lighter side of the news today, local space-time began to inflate at breakneck speeds today in a small town in Indiana today,

Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn't control her pupils.

..."I spy with my little eye, something that is... gray." "is it your tomb stone with the cherubs?" "Got it in one!" The afterlife was tedious and Casper wasn't helping.

"I just feel...sexy" the homeless guy sitting next to me on the Metro said to no one in particular. His hand, surprisingly clean and immaculately groomed, slowly snaked its way

Veteran Brad Pascal took the mike. "By the rivers of Babylon we sat, hung up our guitars, and quaffed a few brews as the mechanisms of empire worked on into the night." The congreg

He was reincarnated as a bacterium living inside the colon of a maggot living in a festering rat turd in a sewer beneath a squalid slum. He looked on the bright side. "At least

"Conniving truths are meant to be curdled" was one of my Uncles sayings. "The average platypus won't eat just any grub." another. I never had the gumption to ask what he meant &

With a massive hangover, I found this morning that downing 5 shots of tequila and a few pints of lager makes one prone to mistake facebook status updates for foldingstory, now

Therapeutic Holiday Story # 1: It all began when Dickie, my brother-in-law, leaned across the dinner table, stared straight at me and murmured, "I'll have a thigh."

The Church of the Science of Baloney was based on a book written by old Mother Cupboard in collaboration with the old woman that lived in a shoe. A lock picker read the book and

Billy could not grasp the true power of the instrument of destruction he wheeled into his 6th grade science class. The "Baking Soda Volcano" label made it seem innocent enough, but