"But the end of the world... bla bla.. mayans.... bla bla... higher consciousness... bla bla....intergalactic alignment yada yada...." "Uhum, yeah.... pass the potatoes honey"

It was a dark and stormy night. So I've been told. I really didn't notice. I had my head in the oven at the time. I was drunk and forgot to turn the gas on, fell asleep and

"This licence is not valid for an oversized vehicle on Mars. Please step out of the rover Mr. Jeng." The alien pointed a glowing rod at him. Yen woke up in a cold sweat.

Carp is bottom grazers. They feeds on garbage. The area 3 pool has plenty. Carp can weigh 100+ lbs! Uncle/Grandpa Doug hit on the idea to use twinkies (in their wrappers) as bait

Those who sign here petition the United States government to secure funding, & begin construction of a Death Star by 2016. By focusing our defense resources on a space-superiority

I wanted to know who kept destroying my snowmen so I hid a couple of cameras in the head of my latest creations. I was expecting some teenagers. I was right but they weren't human.

Dump wrasslin'. Who wants ta watch nekkid sweaty men grabbin' their thongs? An' what's this. Discus throw? That's s'posed ta be oh-riginal recipe Olympic sport? It's a Frisbee for

When New York's Macys unfurled the balloons for another Thanksgiving's day parade, no one knew what had been left in the back in 1924.

"There, how does that feel?" "Oh, you put it in already?" Chuckle. "Yes, I told you it was small. We're going to put another one in. How's that?" "Fine, I guess." Acupuncture

Slim pushed aside the old AM radio. The dust made him cough. "It's got to be here somewhere," he grumbled "Or else

The man on the cellphone talked loudly. He was like a klaxon with a bad script. He was white but yucked it up like House of Payne. The people around him were trying to enjoy

The file cabinet contained it all. When she was blabbing with the others she never let her eyes rest on it. No no no no. That would be too obvious. But when she was sure she was

When the "Association" had taken over the energy ports, they'd placed a ton of new restrictions and tariffs that of course slowed everything down. But he could wait

Un día de primavera Laura va eixir de sa casa per anar a l'escola. Com pensava que faria un poc de fresca portava una jaqueta blava damunt de la camisa. Al poc d'anar caminant

He didn't much like opera, but frequented opera cafes to hit on the singing waitresses. He was addicted to the ecstatic involuntary songs they sang during orgasm

Yo that infamous woods poet is back in your earhole. I serve game in forested areas with lyrics like 'yo squirrel, suck on deez nuts!' and 'c'mere bunny rabbit, take a nibble

I could never remember the date, although I had a photographic memory. I could still remember the luscious red roses I passed when I walked to school. But now I needed the date as

Harpreet Singh was a NCY cabbie. He loved his job. His prodigious memory and friendly chattiness made him the best cabbie in the city. He never forgot a face or an address until

I opened the refrigerator, from top to the bottom it was filled with capers, maraschino cherries, pimentos, and variety of other pickled whimsies. But where was the food?

It was a turnip. Big fat fettid gritty root vegetable. It sat on the Starbuck's counter, pointing it's weird wiry little root tip thingy at