The day the washing machines attacked started like any other. I remember sitting lazily in the dining room, munching on cereal, when I heard a scream come from the laundry room. I

Every morning she caked herself in foundation and proceeded to douse herself in cheap perfume just to hide who she was, but even with that, she couldn't cover it up.

Cranberry the Cat ate Dolly the Duckling with some apple sauce. Damian the Dog ate Cranberry the Cat with Dijon mustard. Felix the Fox ate Damian the Dog with celeriac remoulade

One day, Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mickey Rourke, Mel Gibson And Robert Duvall united to save the world.

mayday mayday mayday

"I sell laughs." He said matter a factly. "You're a comedian?" I asked. He grimaced. "Humor isn't a language people understand. I just sell laughs. You want a sample? Put these on

"Who are you?" "I'm little latin loopie lou, would you like to have a hug? "Not, exactly." "Ok, who are you?" "I'm a looper."

A major unintended consequence of the collapse of the Iron Curtain in 1989 (ish) was that the UK would never again win the Eurovision Song Contest. If we'd known this, our celebrat

Jack Knight donned his helmet & lowered the canopy. He'd wanted to be a fighter pilot as long as he could remember but lived in fear his jet would explode in a fiery plume of death

I am Groot.

The shadow of the Manatee fell across Amanda Widdershin's tarot spread one evening. "Detective! Would you like some tea?" Det J said, "I'd like your counsel on a case with occult p

"Alrighty, let's get started, shall we? This seminar is 'How to Live Forever.' First things first, (and I want to underscore the importance of this, people), don't die. Second,

It was too much really. Precious memories was playing & I couldn't recognize anyone in the photo album. I needed help. I took the album and ran out the door. Only if anyone could

Burt was so happy he decided to give it a second chance. But then the happiness totally vanished, what he saw in front of him was big, nasty and full of swarming

Twas the Bill before Christmas & all thu the House, the lawyers were grumbling & beginning to grouse. "T'will take a fortnight to see this thing done, I'm tired but let's have some

Hiding behind a display case, Bob snuck a Listerine bottle into his jacket and walked out of the CVS. It was party time.

Growing up, I was told we weren't allowed to swim in the ocean. I always believed that was because we could get hurt and my parents were trying to protect us. Little did I know...

i went fishing with my dad when i saw a big fish swimming past us, we quickly change our hook to a bigger size, hook a bait and

She said I was a nogoodcheatingsonofabitch bastard & I could go straighttohell.I laughed & said I thought she would have been more original than that. She hit me with a frying pan.

I was surprised to find a certain parcel in my mailbox one day after work, instead of the usual bills and clutter. It had Japanese stamps with the postmark 01-37-2017. The envelope