I hate Thursdays. Odd day, I know. Mondays, sure. Wednesdays -- yeah hump day's hard on a lot of people. But most people are OK with Thursday. Thing is, I'm not most people.

Pssst! Hey you. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Listen up, I've got something very special to tell you. It'll be our little secret, ok? Are you ready? Here goes. You and me, we are

Cam had scratched that itch before and was forlorn that he couldn't help but go back again and again.

"Stop right there!" I screamed. My eyes widened as the rhino slowed to a trot, then halted in a cloud of dust. I knew this was my only chance.

I smiled at the hot chick. I flexed my biceps or triceps or whatever those really bulging muscles in my awesome arm are called. "Hey, babe," I said, winking. "My name is Bro Broson

His hair line fascinated her. She was nine inches taller than him and his hair transplant job was as obvious as a row of telephone poles crossing a flat barren desert. Neat spots

After I ate the magic mushroom I rapidly grew to twice my original size. A large turtle headed aggressively my way so I hopped on it, and sent the shell skidding away. I continued

There may be a karmic reason Antonin Scalia is an anagram for "Anal Inactions." I mean, just yesterday, he

Melody. How she hated her name. Every morning: "Are you in tune, litte one?" Melody. But it would be her destiny, she thought. She knew that from the time

All seven chef's knives, the eight steak knives and the culinary sheers jutted from his ragged flesh. The sheers had found their place on either side of the bridge of his nose and

After a while he couldn't distinguish between himself and the murderer.

She stood there dripping wet. Oh how he loved that look. All three breasts heaved against the thin white shirt. Wait, 3 breasts? Have I died

The Charizard watched the boy standing in front of him. The little human seemed to be waiting...but for what? The dragon's fat stomach growled impatiently...

And that's when it happened. Bruce Lee's ghost materialized. Jackie Chan shivered. Bruce Lee slapped his face and said, "Total concentration!?!" Jackie threw his drink and

As he sat at the bar wondering how his life had been incredibly dull up to this point, he was suddenly and inexplicably struck by

Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. I won't take responsibility, for my actions.

As an officially licensed "Monster Hunter" - It's my job to hunt down creepy things that go bump in the night. Armed with a

So there it was. Quivering. Hulking. Gyrating. Like it had a life of its own. It was sick. Diseased. Disgusting. It was

Now I've been called a crook, a killer, a thug, a no-good dealer of drugs. But I'm really just the one who put the satin on your panties. Most people don't know my real name

Prudence prudently pried prunes prodigiously from the priest's prat protruding profusely past the priest's pants.