The grain silo poured its contents into the streets, which would have been a useful gesture a hundred years before. These people, however, had no idea that it could be ground down

The charred earthen birm circled the sacrifice pyre. Remnants of those long ago offered for consumption littered the edge of the pit. Liza Minelli

I knew this day would come. Cher

When his father finally gave him the Guns n Roses album, he held the vinyl up to the light, as if Slash's leads and Axl's voice would come shimmering through. Then he moved towards

Baking cookies required stamina once fossil fuels had disappeared. You had to hire an Olympic cyclist to run the generator for twenty damned minutes to get the oven to a steady

First thing I would do if all of America's financial system broke down or defaulted I would...

Humphrey was a man of action, and as a man of action the first thing he did every morning was hunt and eat 3 feral wolves and drink a bucket of magma. After this his routine was to

Tis a bad start to your day when even your own demons refuse to speak to you. Seriously, what an attitude these lost souls have! Spawn of hell my ass! They're like spoiled emo

Zombies can be real jerks sometimes... Seriously, there was this one time I was hanging with my bro Timmy. He was half-zombie and all, but I didn't hold that against him. He

she made my evening alone at home more bearable. Just thinking, no fantasizing about her made my lonely life not so bad. I would lie in bed and think of..

The biggest fall-out from the Green's victory was the axing of Top Gear. It had increasingly become a guilty pleasure but when the end came, Jeremy, Richard and James

My sister told me it was huge in England; that I'd never seen a silly hat like that meant I knew nothing. I told her

Her crayons ground out a foreboding warning on the page. Her parents and principle called a meeting to decide how to get her to draw rainbows, but there were no rainbows in hell.

Help! I've been laminated!

I was at the park when I saw a fly the size of an elephant, he looked at me and waved. He then seemed to fly off into the distance. I kept walking when I came across a big

He saw the paper toilet seat covers. He pulled out his baggy. Inside was a powdered eczema flakes, scabs, blister husks and dried puss. He blended them in the coffee grinder. Then

The dog was licking his foot again. Earlier that year he'd seen that some dogs could detect cancer, or seizures and would lick the offending part. While he debated, his dog peed

Life is beautiful if you're beautiful, but if you're an ugly dwarf like me life can be very tough. so I decided to get tough too. I signed up for a course in martial arts. On the

Dustin could not believe his luck. Having found out that he was named for the song "Dust In The Wind", he had sped off in his mother's car in disgust, just to crash it a block away

Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago,