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Nine hilarious things my ex-boyfriend said to me when he broke up with me after he cheated on me and ridiculed my broken feelings. Oh, the list goes on, but here's just a few.

Once upon a time there waz a duck that triped and fell and couldnt get up

Kit turned his head in exasperation and stared at his daughter, centering himself. The tattoo on his neck made him seem more pathetic than before. It was one of those ridiculous

Reluctantly he started up the hill again, feeling each step creak through his joints sending pain and a frustratingly loud grinding noise to alert those around him to his impending

It all began when my father first saw the Djinn. Before I could warn him, he said "Jesus H. Christ on a bicycle." And there he was. How was I going to explain this to

They called Horace "Breaker" Mahoney...Juggernaut. Legend has it that he murdered prostitutes...ripped off their limbs with his bare hands...ground their bones to make bread...

A cold feeling of shock gripped me as I stared at the splintered, shattered wood of my front door.

Did she like to gamble? Man, that Melanie could get a craps game going in a nunnery. She went to Vegas once

Marilyn laughed her bubbly laugh, wiping the spillt wine off her dress like it was water. She picked up another cocktail and toasted the new year, her eyes steady and her voice

The Easter Bunny crawled closer to the chicken coop. Ass and ears high above the low cut field grass. Anyone even half looking would of seen him. Stealth wasn't his strong suite

"Jessica." Jim sighed. "You can't keep pretending you have a cat... It's just plain weird. What if my mom sees you and takes away her blessing? I can't marry a crazy cat lady."

So he broke down and bought the nook. When he turned it on their was a message. It was strange because the message from a dead person named Ralphie. The message

I was out of food, water and batteries. The river stood before me and behind, in the jungle, the grunts of the monkeys closed in.

When you have special powers beyond what the mind can conceive, you think you're invincible, but actually you're not. Everyone has a weakness, an Achilles heel. Mine was

As the morning sun burned the clouds, it was clear today was the day for

He was Mehdi, Chemical Ali's brother and

I think I'm going to get some wonton soup and an eggroll, then spend the afternoon in with an MSG buzz. I remember when Owsley would cook fried rice for us,

I saw it, once. It haunts me in my sleep. The teeth, the claws..But most especially, the stench.

...in bed!" We laughed at the joke we had made of the fortune cookie. Little did we know, the accurate prediction of that slip of paper would haunt us for the rest of our lives.