she straddled me up and rode me till the cows came home

He stood 6 feet 8 inches and was chiseled muscle from calves to traps. Intelligent, worldly, a terror with the ladies. Also, his name was Frances. This meant that

Dave Bowman stared at the rotary dial phone that had appeared on his table. The blue tofu was okay, but after the trip he'd been through, he was thinking some spicy Mexican cuisine

"Yeah, he may not own a suite but he makes a good pina colada" the exec joked at my expense. Then a pineapple walked in and crushed him. His wife screamed. The alien turned to her.

"Dociousaliexpilisticfragicalisuper". The customer holding the shoehorn/toiletbowlbrush looked at him quizically. "That's a buck fifty. " "Oh, I thought you said

One spring evening as I was planting flowers I hit something as I dug deep in the ground. A genie bottle appeared! I decided to give the bottle a rub, and POOF…..

"I would never punt my son," she claimed. I chuckled at her naieveté and said, "What if a maniac sets up a doomsday device, and he'll only shut it off if you punt your son? Hmmm?"

"In addition to your terminal illness, you have a corneal ulcer," said the goat-horned doctor. "So, avoid light, including THE Light. Why not enjoy a darker afterlife alternative?"

"Democracy has nothing to do with freedom. Democracy is a soft variant of communism, and rarely in the history of ideas has it been taken for anything else." said Hans Hoppe

It was dark. Foreboding. The kind of night that makes your shoulders tense up once you exit the back door into the yard. Is that the sprinklers? No, they're off. Something

Tonight

Mrs. Crepuscule looked out upon the playground. She was an orphan with no children of her own. But when her students opened umbrellas and started screaming on a nice spring day,

Two interviews down, 423 to go. Starting a company as a multi-trilionaire was much easier than the scrappy mess he started in his garage 23 years ago. This time, he vowed,

There once was a man named Joe who faithfully bought a lottery ticket every day. One day Joe's persistence finally paid off and he got lucky!

For my first trip back in time with See-the-past Holidays, I'd be travelling back to 17th Century Scotland. I decided to take a Range Rover, night vision goggles, water purificatio

The office staff found a bubble gum soda in a box. "Do you think we should drink it?" said the statistician.

One out of ten american men

Last week I judged a Burger Competition. My least favorite was a new burger made from cow stem cells. It really lacked the satisfaction I get from knowing an animal was slaughtered

Knivskjellodden. Just a few more meters in the icy water and a sheer cliffs face between him and the end of his journey. His start in Gavdos seemed eons ago. Even extreme athletes

After the initial horror then embarrassment, Agent Chalmers was proud of his Zip Drive, installed after a urogenital incident on a field mission. The Chalmers Estate supplied him w