Three point one four one five nine two six five three five eight nine seven nine three two three eight four six two six four three three eight three two seven nine five zero two

Sorry, but I can't stop twiddling my thumbs. I'm working out to drop weight classes in time for the thumb wrestling tournament at recess tomorrow. Next, I'll do Ring Pop sit-ups.

Dr. Harry Haller found there were many benefits by being a lycanthropist in the year 2016 and started to list them while having beer and bratwurst. George the red wolf, his buddy.

I'm on a new diet. Yellows and oranges. Carrots, cheeses, crackers, oranges, bananas, squash, chicken, Cheetos, corn tortillas, Cheez-its. Pretty balanced actually. So far I've

Canuck Carl was canoe sprinting when he rammed Synchro Sally while she was making her trademark whale breach maneuver. He made a lasting impression. Many years later at the Olympic

Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn't control her pupils.

The fog came in on little cat feet. The sleet of the night before had slipped away on its belly, leaving a wet trail behind it. The ocean murmured like a thousand muttering

He lifted the rifle at the shooting gallery, aimed it at the carney for a joke. He pulled the trigger. The rifle kicked. Smoke from the barrel. Blood poured from the Carney's chest

Listen up! The sarge says 95 percent of us are not coming back. So, to those of you who make it. Kill as many of those zombie bastards as you can! To the rest of you, sayonara.

Why mercy me! Says right here I just won the $14 million dollar Nigerian lottery! Says it right here, see? Alls I gotta do it call this here number & give 'em my bank account num

Stefoni, Christi and Carolyn had a technology presentation due on Monday. They were panicked! How could they get a 45 minute presentation put together in 3 days!?

She'd been looking for this inscription for years. The oldest known recorded written words, hidden for centuries. But, when she finally wiped away the dust, the tablet simply read

Queen Bellaflora swept her wand o’er the waterfall’s foam, making it pop like the snot-bubbles on your baby sister’s face.

Soulreaver, Blade of the Necromancer, was on a card table for 5 bucks next to a stack of Reader's Digest and a Easy-Bake oven with the bulb missing.

That old bag is made of cells. Cells are bags of liquid and proteinaceous glob. They contain organelles. Organelles are just smaller bags with more liquid and glob. Tea bag theory

We decided to head to Ibiza and eat some pizza, but then I got distracted by the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell which changed my mind and made me begin to crave a Doritios

On my 13th birthday, the day I became a man, uncle Shlomo's mullet ate Mrs. MacPherson's poodle Mitsy. I remember it vividly. It was preternaturally fast, devouring the unlucky

"Stealing from children and murdering mimes, these are a few of my favorite crimes!" Julie Andrews was drunk again. She twirled into the groping mitts of the notorious producer,

You know you're getting hotter and you know that your life is in danger with every second. What do you do? Run? Fight? Beg for forgiveness? Only you can change life's fate when

He was alone on the Metro, and all he could think about was Midnight Meat Train. There were only two other people on the train, one a drunken girl in a mini-skirt, the other a