My ship was received by the Reinforcement Blossoms. When I opened the hatch I could smell the fragrance streams passing digital information through solar petals.

Shawna cackled. "You're right Mable, that Betty Lou is dumber than a door knob, bless her heart." Mable lit up. "Why, she looks busier'n a cat covering crap on a marble floor."

"I dunno, Angel Bunny Harvey, it looks like Mr. Thorwald is burying something in his garden," Fluttershy whispered. Angel worried how this would affect his damn salad. Flutters

Once upon a time there was a story which wasn't folded...

The Ocelot went hunting.

Captain Lunchbox slipped into the boy's bathroom. Quickly, he removed his junior high dress code-approved button-up and donned his beach towel cape. His OCD was acting up, and he

Let me tell you about dogs. They can lick and eat anything! They are truly free. They can eat poop. I said it, and I don't care. That's so far advanced. Think about how energy effi

We flushed the remnants of the alien spacecraft down the toilette.

It was sad, it was just too tough, too bad. For how in these modern days, men have lost the gumption to dread the death and misery of their fellow men. And each passing year they

Suzy stood up in front of the whole class, adjusted her skirt slightly, and began. "cacandi - the genitive of the gerund of the verb caco, cacare, cacavi, cacatus, meaning "to take

Hoover was able to make a scale model of the Kremlin out of used

After untold centuries, Taco Bell finally ran out of creative ways to repackage dog food, bad queso and nachos and began to branch out into French cuisine. Le Damn Bell Sans Merci

Something was different, I found myself in a diffrent timeline. A way cooler one too. John Lennon had survived the shooting, Christopher Walken was the President, and my girlfriend

"Oops, I spilled some peanut butter and BBQ sauce on my ankle," said the mailman. "No bother, though. This surely is not a contrived situation that will come back to "bite" me."

The Nose Troll attaches itself to noses by using its mouth as suction. The Nose Troll is a harmless creature that

Faster than a speeding photon. Less massive than a electron. Able to pass through a million lightyears of lead without interacting. Is it quark? Is it a WIMP? No its Capt Neutrino!

Being a sentinent form of energy has its drawbacks. As if not being able to give hugs wasn't bad enough, today I was invited to a birthday party and I realized

Always tease tease tease. Siempre - coqueteando y engañando. You're happy when I'm on my knees Me arrodilla y estás feliz. So what do you want? Really now. Should I

I have a theory that three-year olds have a faster time frame of reference. In the two minutes it has taken for me to get her a glass of water,

The 2013 National Beard and Moustache Championships are a few months away, yet my pirate blackbeard needs work to win. Maybe I can get my parrot, Squawkers, to grow a goatee.