Lost everything! Honey stocks bottomed out.
- Lost everything! Honey stocks bottomed out. Heffalump Investments filed Chapter 11. Chief Analyst P.Bear grumbled "Really I'm a bear of very little brain." & took a slow train back
- to Sussex. He consulted Eeyore. "Forget honey stocks, Pooh, fill your boots with honey. It's all going to go pear-shaped anyway, but you'll have something to eat." Piglet Sachs was
- a young, but wiley financial advisor. Piglet Sachs was, in fact, the first bonafide billionaire in the 100 Acre Wood. "Honey is GOLD, Pooh. GOLD!" said Piglet, overriding Eeyore's
- dismal credit score so the Eeyore could rent an apartment. It was a studio, no window, old carpet and cigarette stains on the ceiling. Piglet was the slum lord, but he let the sad
- Sack on the corner sit there with a cupful of pennies. Eeyore got the flat after it was rehabbed. Nowadays, everyone does a background check on prospective tenants. Shameful stuff.
- I trust Cambridge Analytica with all my background checks. I just tell them what I don't want and they find the right people for me. My go to question:
- "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" This powerfully subtle question was all Cambridge Analytica needed to weed out the riffraff for me.
- Unfortunately their research team had grown so fat and lazy over the years they couldn't remember how to do research. They thus had no choice...they had to steal Facebook data.
- Alas, they were even too lazy to keep track of where everyone's parents had met, and who had had a first pet named "Sparky". Toward the end, they just lay about in puddles of
- their own urine, more proof of their laziness. “This is sad,” one said, “the toilet is only 5 feet away!” “Aww, piss on you!” said another. “I AM pissing on me!” They all laughed.
- Started
- 2013-05-04 15:47:23
- Finished
- 2018-05-31 12:53:33
1 Comments
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Woab Jun 02 2018 @ 11:03
Another fine ending by Tarotguy! Sounds like a scene from Infinite Jest.