53

"Give it up, Russet!" Det. Manatee hollered

  • "Give it up, Russet!" Det. Manatee hollered down the vegetable bin. "I know you're in there & that you killed Mr. Potato-Head! You're surrounded! Sooner or tater, we'll get you!"
  • "I'm not dressed", answered Russet calling back up from the vegetable bin, "pass me the sour cream and chives". Det. Manatee threw them down. "Here, it's raining put on the bacon".
  • "What about me, Russet?" cried Cheddar, sliding down the microplane. "You're out of your league!" shouted the Yellow American, slowly melting hot to a boiling bubble and dribbling
  • a hideous yellow substance upon the floor. "We don't mention the Russet," said Wensleydale, shaking slightly in his little cheese boots. Rumor had it that Russet had stabbed her
  • with, shudder, a spork! The starchy ignomy! Bamberg traced A chalk outline of her tuberous form, she had sprouted. All the Adirondac blues on the force swore they'd get Russet
  • Spudinator. They grabbed super charged super shredders and high powered graters. Tracking the muderous Russet to cheap motel they surrounded the building. "What's the grind Det. Ma
  • ?" "We wait," Ma grimaced, "Russet's cornered; that killer potato's goose is cooked." "Could be a while," his partner mused, "Maybe we can get some room service out here?" Det. Ma
  • natee ran a bubble bath and soaked himself fully clothed while waiting for room service to bring him something to eat: a large russet, unpeeled, split down the middle. smothered
  • in blind rage--Gruyere oozing from the opened cavity. It was torture only a spud would know, and many before him had died the same slow, agonizing death. Det. Manatee was hot on
  • the trail, but the pattern of sprinkled chives, though casual and haphazard to the untrained eye, greatly disturbed him. A DNA test of the chives confirmed his suspicions.
Started
2017-04-18 18:15:27
Finished
2017-05-11 21:59:48

16 Comments

  1. Avatar

    BlastedHeath May 11 2017 @ 22:03

    Well, this is a rather convoluted one!
  2. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 22:14

    But what were his suspicions, Mr. Chandler. Raymond Chandler. Yes, Mr. Chandler, we have known who you really were all along. Did you think that melee in the garden was really Real? Bless your heart!! I told the bureau I was that good.
  3. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 22:17

    Staging that melee in the garden cost me 5 of my best agents and numerous civilians, details in the footnotes.
  4. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 22:18

    "Wait, I never signed up for footnotes! This is not that type of story. Keep your citations away, please.
  5. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 22:21

    Perhaps the better question might be the answer of why you are afraid of citations?
  6. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 22:23

    I don't have to be afraid of them to not want them. Is this an inquisition? Because my dark night ain't happening. Not by a long shot.
  7. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 22:26

    As they cite their way through this one, let me draw your attention to the dappled sunlight upon the fronds of our lovely tentacle cat, Mistress Purrr.
  8. Avatar

    BlastedHeath May 11 2017 @ 22:45

    Futique, could you remind me? What happend to the chauffeur?
  9. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 23:05

    I suspect, that was one of his suspicions. Where was the chauffeur? Oh, I get it. You want me to glean the who, what and hows myself from what I know or can conjecture from the crime scene. So the chauffeur had driven off with that floozy again but neither had been seen since last month and that one was hazy at best. So maybe 3 months then. As he stood there on the threshold with this hands on the pillar he noticed that the days on the calendar are all filled with question marks except May 11 2017 and including future days beyond tomorrow.
  10. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 23:13

    It was empty. No question mark. It was open. Simple answers are best. So we knew NOW. How we remembered was personal as well as the memories themselves. I remembered with girth at my brain stem. It was OK, even if it was icky and wacky that I had to say hello like that, that often. That is some crazy fucked up shit right there in flagellantti vino scupit.
  11. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 23:15

    That was one May 11, 2017. It could have went difference and you know that it did.
  12. Avatar

    BlastedHeath May 11 2017 @ 23:21

    1) Even though Detective Manatee now thinks he is the prime suspect in this case, he will probably eventually be exonerated (let's hope). 2) After the publication of The Big Sleep, Raymond Chandler himself realized that he didn't know who had bumped off the chauffeur.
  13. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 23:31

    Some questions you don't want answered even if you don't know that right now. Then sometimes your worse horrors are small.
  14. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 11 2017 @ 23:32

    Much smaller that small real horrors.
  15. Avatar

    Woab May 12 2017 @ 10:19

    Convoluted? It seems quite congealed to me/
  16. Avatar

    Rebbie May 12 2017 @ 11:54

    What was he suspicious about? What it actually Yukon Gold that committed the murder and framed Russet. Or was it the Reds? Oh, now I want to know!

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