All that anybody could talk about was the

All that anybody could talk about was the huge amount of blood, but there was a lot more to this story about a crack deal gone awry than anybody really knew. For one thing, Henry

Ford's heirs actually inherited the recipe for crack cocaine from German

confectioner Van Nettern. It was no secret that Germans loved 'rock candy,' nor that Ford stood for 'fueled on rampant dopamine.' That's why Ford had the most repeat buyers.

And the most repeat repairs. The Germans were all about Ford repairs. It gave them opportunities to drink coffee and scoff at the loss of American prowess. Van Nettern used that

mockingly gained knowledge to develop heaters - the Germans had never quite gotten over that whole gas chamber thing, what with gasoline-fired heaters in Volkswagens. Vat Nettern

.... what a second what am I talking about? I don't even know German? Plus, Voltswagons are terrible vehicles! I should really just go to europe for a cup of

coffee. im a little too tired today.

I stumbled into the Starbucks. Where is my fix? I leap over the counter and grab the collar of the barista with my hummingbird hands. My teeth chattered, "CAFFE MISTO STAT!"

She yells "CAFE MISTO VENTE STAT!" Ties a rubber tube around my arm & takes a horse needle: "20cc's of Java coming right up!" At this point I wake up. Stare at the alarm. Shit! Its

Double Espresso Macchiato o'clock! I rush down the stairs and find my wife making breakfast, "Here's your tea, baby!". Tea. I try to scream. But everything goes dark... I pass out.