I was sick of how smelly the monkeys were

  • I was sick of how smelly the monkeys were at the zoo, so I began a monkey laundering scheme. every night I would sneak in, borrow a few monkeys, take them home and launder them.
  • Soon, however, I ran afoul of the monkey laundering laws which required segregation of Capuchin monkey wash water from Spider monkey wash water. I had been using a single tank for
  • both types of sea monkey bathing. The FMBA Federal Monkey Bathing Association caught my errant faux pas and fined me $20,00.00 It nearly put my monkey laundering business out
  • of.. business. Luckily I had the foresight to lock the dirty monkeys in a room full of typewriters & I sold their XXX Law & Order parody screenplay to pay the fine and expand my
  • steamy simian parlor, adding some big butted baudy baboons, lecherous lemurs, raunchy swinging rascals & a proboscis monkey.They all typed away producing monkey pulp fiction I sold
  • on the deep web, to various creeps and artsy types. You have to keep a monkey clean to keep it happy, and you have to keep it happy or else it won't work. That's why it's so vital
  • to launder a monkey before it spirals into a cesspool of filth & sub-optimum productivity. F. Dixon DVM [Dixon, F; et al. (2009) "A Novel Approach to Monkey Laundering"] recommends
  • Experimenting with cats as sensory guides as you proceed to launder different monkeys. Don't start with gorillas. Madame Dujardin tried that and was eaten alive. This was 1954.
  • Yellow outfits were very fashionable back then, and Madame Dujardin was wearing one when she approached the gorilla. Thinking she was a huge banana, the gorilla peeled her and ate
  • her in two bites. That was the end of Madame Dujardin. The gorilla lumbered back into the jungle never to be seen again & no one in the Dujardin family ever knew what happened.


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