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Why me? What did I do to deserve something

  • Why me? What did I do to deserve something like this?
  • I mean, look at me. What's the deal with the horns? How am I going to find jeans with room for a tail? Why do I have to carry this pitchfork? I didn't go to Oxford for this.
  • In fact, I don't know why I went to Oxford. In fact, I don't know why I chose to live in England! In fact, I don't know why I chose to exist. What a waste of twenty-six years.
  • why o why didn't the sperm and egg that made me just decide not to fuse? Why didn't the egg shrug it's ectoplasm at the sperm as if to say, "
  • Abandon all hope ye who enters here!"? I'm pretty sure the tiny tadpole would not have been so eager to penetrate and share his dna.
  • Had he known that Woody Allen would be his voice one day, let alone his embodiment, he would have swum the other way. But in the end, his destiny was set, and he met with abandon
  • ment the only way Woody Allen could feel it. Total cold, universal disregard for the significance of anything within 100 miles of him. Woody Allen had taken over his body.
  • The urge to create turgid romances of old men chasing young women was strong. He called the Vatican; it was time to exorcise this neurosis. Woody Allen had to go.
  • Woody frantically searched his drawers for witty comebacks -- he had been writing them down for ages. But his drawers were full of cigarette butts! The Oracle! The Vatican Exorcist
  • opened the door to The Oracle's chambers. A fortune cookie sat on her pillow. The Oracle opened it. It read: ***Is it God or The Devil who will give you everything you want?***
Started
2014-12-12 02:39:26
Finished
2014-12-30 18:00:35

3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    zxvasdf Dec 30 2014 @ 19:12

    It may as well be neither who gives you everything you want
  2. Avatar

    Chaz Dec 30 2014 @ 22:58

    Man talks to God: Man: "What is a million years?" God: "A minute." Man: "What is a million dollars?" God: "A penny." Man: "Can you give a penny?" God: "Sure, in just a minute."
  3. Avatar

    zxvasdf Dec 31 2014 @ 09:25

    A minute later, Man is still there. God: All right, here's the penny. Man: Keep it. We've got like a million of these. God: you've done quite well for yourselves. Man: So well, in fact, we'll need someone to trim the yard. Care for a penny?

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