39

A shortnecked giraffe, a spotless leopard,

  • A shortnecked giraffe, a spotless leopard, and a human with no opposable thumbs walk into a casino. They sit down for a round of Black Jackal. The dealer, a Cheetah
  • , asked 'Hhhow you gonna hold your hhand, thumblesss man?' The thumbless human replied, 'Holy shit, a talking Cheetah!'" The audience at the comedy club sat silent.
  • That's because behind the Cheetah and the thumbless man was Tom Arnold. Tom's forehead was slick with flop sweat and his eyes got all shifty, he grinned like a fool and pulled
  • a peach out of his pocket. Tom offered the peach to Rosanne but she said "I'm on a grain only diet. You know I can't eat that". Tom threw the magical peach into the air
  • , positioned himself under it & swallowed it whole as it came down. Tom's ass then shrunk two sizes. "Holy shit!" said Roseanne. "You want one now, huh?" said Tom. The second peach
  • dropped into Roseanne's gaping mouth. POING! POING! Tom's butt cheeks suddenly sprung out on her forehead. "Well now," laughed assless Tom."These peaches must be magic or maybe
  • I am just losing my mind." Roseanne vanished, and the scene collapsed around Tom. Four white, textured walls -- padded. A strange jacket, his arms bound tightly against his chest.
  • The attendant leaned insolently against one of the padded walls watching him, a wise-ass smile on his face. "I'm not Tom Arnold?" I asked in disbelief. "Of course not! You're Joan
  • Rivers' stunt double. It must be hard to move your face with all that botox. Save your strength." So I just stared at the man in the white uniform leaning against the padded wall.
  • They said plastic surgery was an extreme route to go for solving bodily dysmorphia, but what's a guttersnipe like me to do about mental illness but plead insanity to these crimes?
Started
2012-05-08 10:12:07
Finished
2013-10-31 01:40:41

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    49erFaithful Oct 31 2013 @ 16:28

    Never play cards for money with a cheetah.
  2. Avatar

    49erFaithful Oct 31 2013 @ 16:28

    A strange jacket indeed...

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