Crunchy things are bad for your health. It

  • Crunchy things are bad for your health. It causes teeth stress and digestion agitation. Which is why I use the Mushkins diet.
  • Mushins are "munchkins" that I have marinated in olive juice and meat tenderizer.
  • It's important to marinate the meat tenderizer in olive juice before hammering out the mushy munchkins into thin, flat strips. The juice imparts a delicate flavor to the hammer,
  • perfect for a garnish. I may have been a back-alley doctor (and damn proud of it, too) but I wasn't too shabby in the kitchen either. Too bad I was in jail for raping my daughter.
  • But, you do what you gotta do to survive in prison, even if it means taking it up the arse for a few sprigs of parsley to make a nice vinaigrette in the toilet bowl. I cooked a lot
  • of other great ideas like this up, but for some reason, none of the publishers were interested in my manuscripts. They just don't recognize greatness when they read it!
  • After I inadvertently sent a manuscript to The Blind Press, I discovered that I'd been printing 'em all out in braille. That explained a whole lot, but hey... now I'm published.
  • Turns out The Blind Press became a pretty lucrative publishing gig for me. "My fan base grew and recently I received the Helen Keller award for.....oh," I said as her blank stare
  • seemed to reach into the depths of my soul. Something about her told me that she just didn't care... But even more than that. I started to feel that no one cared. So many fans, but
  • none could fit my ceiling. I really ought to do some remodeling. My ceiling is huge and ridiculous and doesn't even fit my room.


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