"In light of the untimely death of Horace
- "In light of the untimely death of Horace the Housefly, we need to pick a new mascot." The school board surveyed their surroundings. "How about The Gazebos?" "No, we should be The
- Wainscottings," said another, looking at the wall.Still surveying their surroundings for new mascot ideas, another board member said,"How about the Condoms?" as she rummaged in her
- purse.Then Simmons put the two together, "A condom is sort of Wainscotting for a John Thomas isn't it?" That's how a new mascot,a big penis wearing a waistcoat of guilded boiseries
- dipped in caramel and nuts like a candy apple became Simmons's came to be in his bathtub. Simmons shrieked and said, "I just love to say LeBlanc, LeBlanc!" But his mother was
- unsupportive of his deep-seated oedipal issues of being confined to the bathroom. Simmons imagined his toy boat was captained by a man named LeBlanc in the caramel seas. 1st mate
- Stanley sang "Cold Gin", hoping to attract someone's attention. The Kiss Army arrived, cocked and locked, ready to recover the toy boat. There was cold gin in their rucksacks! Yay!
- They had to be good for something; quite frankly I found their Kiss painted faces ridiculous and slightly revolting, "Hey Stanley" I yelled, they're gonna make a play for the boat
- . I could never watch such a play. One about boats would be boring. I pulled out a semiautomatic and mowed them down. realizing at the same time that I had put holes in the boat.
- Margaret was the fragments of a name but the boat's name was Margaret. Even as the screams filled the night around me and the hot shells bounced off me, I could only think of her.
- Margaret Mead. She may not have been that much to look at, but she knew plenty about making whoopie in Samoa. I didn't know which direction Samoa was, but I began swimming.
- Started
- 2012-01-01 12:38:32
- Finished
- 2017-02-10 14:35:55
4 Comments
Want to leave a comment?
Sign up!
Woab Feb 10 2017 @ 14:39
This one took seven years, but it is rather charming, in a demented way.
LordVacuity Feb 10 2017 @ 14:50
Love it. Margaret Mead is a fond memory for me, thank you.
Woab Feb 10 2017 @ 14:57
I have a lot of respect for her, actually. A friend of mine got drunk with her, once. How I envy him.
LordVacuity Feb 10 2017 @ 15:02
I only had her books.