I love her scent. Her very presence is like

  • I love her scent. Her very presence is like a burst of undeniable feelings, bursting from my heart. I always try not to look into her eyes, I'm always afraid she does not like me
  • . All I need is a sign - anything from her which will tell me that this great passion is shared. Suddenly my phone whistled at me - a text from an unknown number. I swiped the s
  • econd phone I saw. One can never have too many phones. The stolen phone had a picture of a man, a headless man, a bloody neck stump. I'm a cop. You know what that means.
  • Reddit time. I upload the gruesome picture onto imgur, giving it a catchy headline. "This picture is beast!" it said. As the day went on I received nasty comments from strangers.
  • I was protected by my dog, who barked loud enough to scare these thugs off. A lion volunteered to roar on my behalf. I agreed.
  • As the lion roared a mighty roar and filled the burglar's butthole with his love, I took out a video camera and started narrating out loud the entirety of "The Hyaenic Copulation".
  • I finished reciting the piece; the lion was still humping, the burglar had stopped resisting, and I was still recording. So I sang: "In your bunghole, your tiny bunghole, the lion
  • seeps tonight..." which the burglar found to be in extremely poor taste but the lion thought was hilarious. "This concludes our broadcast. Please stand for the national anthem."
  • Everyone in the room rose and place their hands over their hearts. As the national anthem played tears welled up in their eyes. Who knew that a lion and a burglar could unite us.
  • "Another successful operation," thought General Custer as he morphed out of the lion suit as Professor Loomis did the same from the burglar.


  1. bearshoes84 Dec 08 2016 @ 22:42

    Custer and Loomis have a rather complex sex life.

  2. LordVacuity Dec 08 2016 @ 22:48

    We make no excuse for them; we are simply chroniclers of their feats.

  3. LordVacuity Dec 08 2016 @ 22:52

    Of course since we, unlike Custer, are stuck in one time and one place we can only chronicle what takes place in our time and our place. So we are a secret Brotherhood in Everywhere and Everywhen would chronicle all Custer does in the past/future now.

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