Regrettably, not every story can be happy,

  • Regrettably, not every story can be happy, or silly, or funny. Some stories, such as this one, are more than just sad or grim. This is a story of stark cruelty and human evil.
  • In the times of the Vikings, a keep was built on an ancient place of power, a place of the dark forces. The Saxon wretches huddled against the walls as the invaders
  • screamed blood curdling cries charging towards the Saxon peasants. They dreaded the Keep, but wanted to feast in the Halls of Valhalla. Within the Keep, a thick fog congealed into
  • chicken soup, distracting the warriors with its rich scent and reminder of home. "Fight it, soldiers!" Great Badgerheart cried. "It is but an illusion! Cast off this dark sorcery!"
  • Just then a bag of turnips fell off the blacksmith's wagon, sprouted legs and ran headlong into a tree with a muffled groan hinting at more than just turnips in this bag. The camp
  • stirred at the commotion and advanced on the bag with legs. 2 privates pulled the bag away to reveal its contents. Amid the turnips, the entire camp was shocked to see…Jimmy Hoffa!
  • "We thought you'd turnip sooner or later," said General Merchandise before ordering his underlings to take Jimmy Hoffa to the cooler to await trial. But being a vegetable, Jimmy
  • had a lot of need for speedy Photosynthesis during the day, and needed to breathe Oxygen at night, through the Calvin Cycle.
  • The fungi, however, got all of their nutrition via the Hobbes Cycle. (Yeah, you knew I was gonna go there with that one, didn't you?) In fact, the rules were completely different
  • . Think CAM photosynthesis, but instead of the time of day determining decarboxylation, it was the orientation of the nearest five-star constellation. Now they were out of stars.


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