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How dare you enter my abode! I shall turn

  • How dare you enter my abode! I shall turn you into a... let's see. hmm... Advocado? Yes... Advocado! I WILL TURN YOU INTO AN ADVOCADO!
  • As I overheard my grandma yelling, I took a peek outside. Some pesky insect had wandered into the garden, and my senile grandmother was shouting curses at a fly. Wow.
  • "Don't you know this is my garden?!" Grandma shouted, "Can't you just go and leave me alone!?". The fly blushed. "Can you even understand me?!" She asked the fly
  • To my amazement the fly spoke. "Yes, my dear." It replied to my grandmother. The fly's voice was raspy and pitched somewhere between a C# and a D. It continued, "Now
  • is a desperate time for our people. We have been ... our numbers have been decreasing sharply. We are just trying to make our own way in the world." Grandma heard the fly out, and
  • before we knew it, we had become fly advocates. The fly expressed himself so eloquently we were swayed by his plea on behalf of his species. Our house was a fly sanctuary, and my
  • kitchen and dining room table was soon crawling with flies. "Every maggot is sacred" said the spokesfly who resided in our unplugged meat cooler. Soon we called him Lord of Flies
  • and said this in a manner feigning deep respect, which in fact was mocking, but the spokesfly was unbelievably vain and dense. The fly infestation worsened; finally, we developed a
  • weapon - a vacuum cleaner with edge tool. 100's of flies could be sucked up in minutes as they snoozed on the ceiling each evening. We didn't realize the semi-intelligent flies
  • we're actually meditating, not sleeping. Meditating, we learned later, on ways to escape entrapment behind miniblinds, the #1 cause of indoor death among flies in the world today.
Started
2015-02-06 13:13:30
Finished
2015-12-14 22:28:36

4 Comments

  1. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Dec 14 2015 @ 22:33

    Compound it! That couldn't have been blotted better with a fresh trail of mucus!
  2. Avatar

    Gibber Dec 14 2015 @ 22:52

    Recently had a fly infestation fueled by a forgotten bag of potatoes rotting in a cool dark place. So the vacuum cleaner is actually my wife's idea.
  3. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Dec 14 2015 @ 23:10

    I'll preempt Chaz and mention this story: http://foldingstory.com/4gie8/
  4. Avatar

    Chaz Dec 15 2015 @ 08:02

    The Insect Sucker, now available at Sharper Image.

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