My parents gave me advice like "Don't talk
- My parents gave me advice like "Don't talk with your mouth open." and "Hold my hand while crossing the street. I don't want to die alone."
- So do you think maybe the fact that I don't talk & still walk around town holding hands with my parents that has something to do with me never having a single date in my life?
- Well you'd be flat wrong. I've been on many dates. My father calls them mock-pitching woo. I go on dates with an invisible BF while my parents walk behind me and take notes.
- My invisible boyfriends were never good enough for my parents. Their Pro/Con lists always had more Cons like: makes you pay for everything, uncommunicative, doesn't open doors
- and never takes you anywhere nice, but they just didn't understand the Pros. I mean, having an invisible boyfriend meant that I never got into arguments (well not often anyhow),
- like all those days when I was mad at him but didn't tell him why because I wasn't talking to him because I was mad at him and he didn't know why. He should have known why. Shoulda
- known that I was pissed at him for something that I didn't want to tell him about because he should've read my mind and known what it was that was upsetting me: He took my last
- nerve and pinched it over showing proper respect for Boy Bands. He got really mad when I brought up The Monkees and that is when he pinched my last nerve. Pinched from right under
- The rug, I fled to Andersonville and ate a viking breakfast. The whole Boy Band concept never existed until 1997 or so! I felt Sartre in one of his most famous novels at that very
- moment, but Sartre slapped my face and told me to keep my hands to myself. "Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you," he added. I still don't know what he meant.
- Started
- 2013-03-29 21:46:43
- Finished
- 2016-10-03 17:05:58
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