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He pulled out of the driveway in his new

  • He pulled out of the driveway in his new SUV, knowing that the car wouldn't last the rest of the day, let alone the 2-years the warranty promised. What choice did he have though,
  • He felt the space between the two halves of the passenger-side seat, smiling wryly as he withdrew the pistol -- a cool Glock 45.
  • He braced himself against the roll-cage and kicked out the back window. Lights flashed by. He flew himself out John Woo style, firing the Glock backwards. The driver
  • was hit by all 57 bullets. Not able to relax for a second, he checked his clip. Still mostly full, good. He clambered into the rig on the driver's side, and yanked out the corpse.
  • and found of a nest of wet wags underneath it. The rags turned out to be a used adult diaper. The truck driver must have been making some long hauls, he
  • had jumbo-sized boxes of jerky, 6-hour energy (what?, you haven't heard of it yet?) and more diapers than an reasonably continent adult should ever have on hand. The rig's payload
  • buckled and dumped the entire contents into the seabed. The diapers' absorbing power, the energy drink powder, and the dried jerky absorbed the entire oceans' worth of water. We
  • lay there on the ocean bed, trying to decide what to destroy next. Jason looked in his bag and screamed with delight when he found a ghetto-blaster which left us with only one
  • shoulder-mounted musical projection device. But no worry, we were soon on our way to purchasing another from a garage sale from our lovable but bumbling neighbors. Jason crawled
  • on all eight legs over to his neighbors and begged them for a discount on a projection device. Horrified that he was actually a spider with no shoulders, they refused. He was sad.

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