"..is an adventure you will never forget

"..is an adventure you will never forget - welcome to the Park of Nightmares! But I need to warn you: only the strongest of you will preserve your sanity by the end. Are you ready?

Well, let's go!" The group of us entered the badly made haunted house. Where else were we going to get our cheap scares? I'll admit that none of us took it seriously, giggling as

unconvincing zombies squirted us with quarts of goopy gore. "This haunted house is poorly constructed!" I shrieked as I kicked a rotted plank intended to brace up a teetering

pile of corpses. They toppled over & a few skulls split open, spattering brains everywhere. "They don't even smell like brains!" I complained. The owner of the haunted house had no

restraint in giving me the most savage beating of my life. Go to the haunted house they said. Make fun of the decorations they said. This was one of the worst ideas I've ever had.

And you are talking to the king of bad ideas. You need a bad idea? Come to me, I'm your man. Anyways, so I had been beaten senseless by the haunted house crew: a mummy, a zombie, a

pet monkey and the ghost of Vincent Price. This bad idea was free of charge, usually I sold them $5 a pop off the freeway at my bad ideas stand. The haunted house crew hit me with

a restraining order for stalking the ghost of Vincent Price. I wasn't stalking him, he followed me everywhere I went. The Haunted House Crew were vicious carnies with mutulated

extremities and imaginations. Practically every word from their mouths was something twisted and revolting. It was them all along, not me. Vincent Price's ghost is a liar!

Tune in next week, when I bond with a man infamous for a similar fate in the episode, "My Dinner With Hamlet."