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This story begins with a man, an earnest

  • This story begins with a man, an earnest kind of man. He was so earnest in fact, that all that met him were left with the impression that this was a man you didn't mess about with.
  • Someone who needed other people to believe in him, believe so hard and so strong that he came across as somewhat messianic and yet, he was the one who needed a miracle.
  • He knew people had stopped believing in miracles ever since advertising had murdered them all. But he needed one. He rubbed his chest and felt his lifeless pecks. That's when the
  • mogul-est of advertisers slid down Santa's chimney. "Hi, Tony Horton here. It looks like your pecs could use a Christmas miracle." Santa got his sweat on for three easy payments of
  • 29.95$ & soon his abbs were as tight as a run of moguls & his pecs made Mrs Claus frisky to unpack Santa's package. He could zip down chimneys lickety split but he was mistaken for
  • a cat burglar. "But I'm Santa!" he pleaded at the station. "Santa's a right jolly old elf!" said the commissioner. "You're as slim as a candy cane, lock him up!"
  • Santa was thrown into a dingy cell."I get one phone call, right?" Santa pleaded."I want to call my wife!" "No can do, Slim." the commissioner replied. "No service to the North Pole
  • Due to the blackout." Santa got out on bond. He returned home to find a sinkhole where his house was. He nearly fellinto it, but his wife pulled him away from the precipice just in
  • the nick of time. "Haha," his wife laughed. "Get it?" The flushed red of Santa's face was answer enough. He'd had enough punny business in the joint and a whole new list of names
  • of both naughty and nice was tossed into the shredder. Santa retired and went to Santa Barbara to live out his years with the missus, enjoying early-bird specials every night.
Started
2014-04-13 09:22:07
Finished
2016-08-17 14:20:43

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Aug 17 2016 @ 15:03

    I like how Santa needs someone to believe in him...
  2. Avatar

    Woab Aug 17 2016 @ 17:03

    Don't we all?

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