25

This was not going to be my best day. I knew

  • This was not going to be my best day. I knew this the moment I stepped out of bed and fell over my shoes I had carelessly scattered around my bed the evening before. My head felt
  • like Chilean miners had been in it for weeks. I took my shoe and swooned under the weight of the hangover. Someone had attached a red string to the lace. It led to the kitchen.
  • It was tied to the big toe of a guy passed out under the kitchen table with a wrinkled note in one hand and Stoli in the other. This must’ve been some party! Still hungover, I
  • called C. Everett Koop, America's Sir Gin General, for advice. "The best way to treat a hangover is to drink the pain away," he said. "Doctor's orders." So I grabbed the vodka and
  • took a swig and felt it burn down my gullet. "To Sir Gin Ginral Evooret Poop ." I toasted myself to sleep. The hangover's hangover was a cliffhanger.
  • And Cliff's hangover hungover until his hankering for a hunk of cheese had been satisfied by a Cliff bar wrapped in Lymburger. No more Goldschlagger for us, Sir!
  • Cliff could not make up his mind where to eat this cliff bar. Possibly inside a box with a fox or out there with a bear, Inside a tree with a honeybee or outside with a
  • side of spicy tomato relish, goats feta, avocado salsa and a sprig of mint. But, more pressing to Cliff's worries was the up and coming election and, even more pressing, the
  • weight of his older brother on his chest as he dangled a long strand of spit over his face and then sucked it back up again. How would he ever win the election if he couldn't even
  • get his brother to act like a human being? Two brothers. One becomes president. The other a potsmoking deadbeat draining alcohol through toast in back alleys behind churches.
Started
2011-12-28 21:14:20
Finished
2012-05-09 19:12:53

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Chaz May 10 2012 @ 07:26

    Now THIS is "The Hangover" that should be a movie.
  2. Avatar

    Zetawilk May 10 2012 @ 15:01

    Or, you know, anything apart from the two Hangovers that DID become movies. The interior of a digestive tract would be a cinematic improvement.

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