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January: August the Alcoholic and Delilah

  • January: August the Alcoholic and Delilah the Deranged got married. February:
  • Delilah had a nervous breakdown and called her friend, the witch doctor. Dr. Wicked was an expert lobotomist. August had heard lobotomies were helpful at curing mental illnesses.
  • His preferred method of curing mental illness was lots of spices, mesquite, and meat grinding of affected brain cells, and he had a liberal view about what constituted affection.
  • Which is why he is not allowed near nurseries, schools, old folks homes, funeral parlors, prisons, churches, synagogues, temples, mosques, or any zoos. But he was a fine lobotomis
  • t and a four star restaurant chef. It's best not to think about it too much. Sit down and enjoy your meal. "Fugetaboutit!" Who needs brains when you have
  • a huge hickey bearing the unmistakable tooth-mark patterns of Jessica Blankridge on your neck? This will surely make you the talk of the Grundson Junior High Lunchroom. Walk with
  • confidence, and pray that with every step you take, your neck will shrink a centimetre or two. Do not wish too hard, or you will find yourself but a mere speck, and this
  • might sound fun to you, exploring the carpet like it's a giant beige forest. But you have responsibilities you can't fulfill if you're tiny. At least not if your THAT tiny. Instead
  • you should drink the elixir that will grow you to the size you need to be. You should be careful not to drink too much or you will
  • grow obliquely. You know, this elixir is extracted from the Pisa river, where flowers don't grow linear.

1 Comments

  1. LordVacuity Jul 06 2017 @ 21:27

    a line is a curve with zero y extension.

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