I never was good at skateboarding. I think
- I never was good at skateboarding. I think it was the jeans, honestly. How am I expected to kickflip with the maneuverability of a hogtied tortoise?
- So one day, i take off my pant so that nothing is between me and my skateboarding.
- I then took off my other pant, such that both of my pants are off. Now there really is nothing between me and my skateboarding. I Feel shocked at the revelation I have made, as I
- wrap each pant around my forehead and tape the skateboard against my crotch. With my legs akimbo I leap at the nearest railing for the sweetest grind of my life, only to find that
- someone welded razor blades face up down the rail. It slices right through my crotch in a white fire of pain and the Asian mini-mart owner give me the thumbs up
- as he'd been planning to have me circumcised anyway, so my accident saved him a bundle. In return, he offered me
- a lollipop, a stuffed panda, and a band-aid for the boo-boo. Later on, I would research the pros and cons of circumcision for my own son. I decided that, without a doubt,
- I had been hacked.
- That was my explanation for my erotic Asian screensaver. Momma didn't know what "hacked" meant, so I told her the Devil did it. She promptly dumped holy water on my computer, which
- caused it to make weird noises and be stuck on my screensaver, when my mother heard the noises she hid underneath my wardrobe forever in case the devil saw her.
- Started
- 2011-04-23 01:35:06
- Finished
- 2011-07-14 19:48:56
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