This story is not about Hamlet, but about

  • This story is not about Hamlet, but about slow-adult cousin Omelette. Long before the famed-skullduggery, Hamlet was put in charge in Omelette. They traveled around
  • in a band of Vagabonds, performing shows for small townspeople using all manner of eggs and ham. Omelette did not realize Hamlet was having fun at his expense until
  • he ran into a brick wall. Literally. That had to hurt, especcially because the owner had
  • Recently installed a moat around the place. A warning sign would have been nice. His ankle hurt so badly and was starting to swell when a car stopped
  • inches from the moat, almost tipping off the edge. Even though his ankle hurt, he decided that it would probably be best if he went over to the car and offered his help with
  • pushing it into the water. Piranha and gators intermingled in the deadly soup. "Here, allow me," he said. When the woman began to scream, he ignored her. The vehicle cartwheeled as
  • He tried to hang onto the wheel while she screamed. The alligator was walking towards her front door, standing on his hind legs to ring the doorbell. She screamed again.
  • 'A damsel in distress!' I thought. So I drove my Mercedes into the alligator. DESTROYED!!! Unfortunately, my car also destroyed her front door & living room. Alligator guts were
  • strewn across the 77" projector screen, lending Hardcore Henry realism beyond its producers' dreams. I yelled out my car window:"Sorry about the cat & Ming vase!" "I just babysit!"
  • Later, when Hardcore Henry had made billions, I regretted my choice to flee the scene, as I felt that my contribution had made it such a hit, and my hit had made such a smash.


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