An assasin was hiding behind the curtain.

An assasin was hiding behind the curtain. I could tell because his sneakers were sticking out from the bottom hem. This was the third time this week. I took a toothpick from my

shiney new silver toothpick holder. Upon opening it up I saw that was empty and I needed one desperately because

a stubborn little piece of apple skin was caught in my molars. I tried to pull it out with my fingernails, but a girl across me thought that I was trying to deepthroat my hand,

and called the teacher, complaining that I was sexually harrassing her with obscene gestures just as I cleared my cuspid. Next stop was the principals office. Mr. Magoo

sat there, dumbfounded that I was stepping into his office again. "What is my number on pupil doing in here a second time?" He asked. I knew what to do. The door shut and I felt

relieved; I had just walked through a portal. I grabbed his portal gun and, despite his complaints, replaced the blue portal on a different wall and succesfully walked through

a Sav-on drugs foot care aisle. The blue portal in its infinite wisdom. I picked up a bottle of corn remover, when an old lady came up to me and shouted "Dry SKIN!"

I didn't know what the fuck the crone wanted, so I hit the old bag with her own old bag and she went down. Never came up again. Nobody interrupts my bath & body shopping.

I needed those marshmallowy scented cinnamon candles! I was on a mission. I stepped over the old lady, accidentally smooshing her left ear, she "yelped" but I pretended not to

hear her frail whimpering. I knew what I needed. I stood in front of the rack of candles, slavering. Then there was a creak. The shelf fell on top of me, and I was dead. Probably.