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The office was shocked when the vice president

  • The office was shocked when the vice president of pizza college gave her 3 weeks notice today. The statistician started to cry, because her awesomeness is 100% irreplaceable.
  • She was overcome with sadness bc pizzamaking was her life. The only problem was a pineapple cut her thumb off when she was making the hamapple pie, it was a mess. Blood spurted
  • all over the bar, and shorted out the solar-powered jumping elephant. Some of the blood spotted the hamapple pizza, which oddly improved the taste. Perhaps being bitten by a vamp
  • had altered my tastes. Now I didn't want to share the pizza but knew in my undead heart that the vamp would want some, too. Grabbing the elephant, I used the tusks to spear a slice
  • of the pizza with extra garlic on top of it and I handed it over to the vampire who did not seem to notice
  • until after he'd eaten it. It was only then that the vampire developed an aversion to himself far beyond that of a mere self-esteem problem. It was self-loathing to the point of
  • actually believing he was a monster. He started only going out at night and wore a lot of black; long flowing capes and such. Plus he developed the habit of sucking on his teeth.
  • This habit he'd picked up from watching the Wire. So this pale idiot walked around at night with a cape. He'd yell BLAH! Well, after 3 months of this it was finally Halloween.
  • Ah, yes...Halloween...the height of the illegal drug trade in Baltimore...and, Lord knows...there were tons of drugs to buy and sell in the Charm City...and Christmas was right
  • . Christmas knew he had an addiction. The Halloween Heroine became too much of a burden on Christmas's family. So, in one brave final act, he signed himself into the clinic.

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