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I ordered the penne, asked for more iced

  • I ordered the penne, asked for more iced tea, and fiddled with my napkin. It was too much too soon - the crowd, a date, the fake plants, the odd number of slices in the bread-
  • basket, her breathing. She took 2 short and then 1 long. I asked for more iced tea. Where was my penne? 32 holes in the ceiling tiles. 142 ceiling tiles. 4,544 holes. She passed
  • 2 stones that were extremely painful. She shrieked 8 times. I saw her uvula 7 times. As I was counting the hulking pores on her face, she said, "Stop counting you ass and hand me a
  • 6 pack!" Covering herself, she smiled sheepishly. "Gimme 5, you OCD ass." We laughed through her pain. "You know," I began, "It was 4 score and..." DON'T say it, I told myself.
  • Don't. No. But I couldn't trust that I wouldn't. After duct taping my lips and wrapping the band several times around my head, I felt that we were safe. "Mrumph," was all that she
  • said. My nostrils flared over the edge of the sticky tape on my mouth as my hands tried to wriggle free of their bonds. I boisterously shoved them underneath me to stop their antic
  • Chase of the seven legged goats. One goat had five mouths. It was a sad day for the normal goats, who stayed in the basement for sixteen years and six months. It reeked of DDT. Not
  • that it's important,"better than reeking of goats!" is what my square chemist dad used to say. Anyway the race of the seven legged goats was on.They were doped up on a cocktail of
  • steroids and Mountain Dew. You could tell because all seven of each goat's legs were twitching like crazy. The race began and the seven-legged goats careened wildly onto the track.
  • Watching the seven-legged goats made me realize that I had entered that phase in the evening when my hands and feet went ice cold while the rest of my body started to smolder. Fin.
Started
2013-01-22 17:06:57
Finished
2016-10-12 00:52:09

6 Comments

  1. Avatar

    jayursus Oct 12 2016 @ 21:01

    Goats with an odd number of legs and (perhaps) a random number of mouths. Just thinking about it makes me want to rearrange my office supplies...again.
  2. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 12 2016 @ 21:17

    I noticed your desk chair overly fire proofed. Kevlar fabric or something newer. The mouths are not random as we broke our random generator sometime last random thing, lets say Armadillo. Yeah, then. Since Armadillo did the Kesel Run.
  3. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 12 2016 @ 21:19

    Armadillo is not as random as you would like to think. I see from your eyes that you had an inkling and chose wrong.
  4. Avatar

    jayursus Oct 12 2016 @ 21:26

    Ha! Kevlar is for pillows - my chair is covered in an advanced fractal delinearized achronic aerogel isomorphic semi-crystal that only tangentially resembles armadillo. Actually, it's more like pangolin, but a diamond pangolin. An extrusion of a 11th dimensional tessero-pangolin into 3-dimensional space is closer to the truth. I may be putting off doing necessary work, or I may be not. But it's likely that I am. Like 5 sigma likely.
  5. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 12 2016 @ 21:53

    No, I am unlikely to Like 5 sigma. Is that your company? Or should I say, That is a bold statement. Choose your adventure.
  6. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 12 2016 @ 21:55

    I will save you the trouble; neither adventure was an adventure. The mechanical wombats on the Chancellor's Chair don't even work since Armadillo.

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