33

I reached for the sky, just as I was told.

  • I reached for the sky, just as I was told. It felt odd, as if I were trapped in some B movie. But there I was, hand up as I felt her fingers dig around for
  • the ring in my pocket. Nobody denied her and she wanted that engagement. Of course I had my grandmother's ring, but after she'd rummaged my emails for infidelity, she sure as hell
  • wasn't going to accept a cubic zirc. Because she has seen my bank balance in those messages, and would be bound and determined to get a big
  • rock. That's why I booked our flights to S. Africa. She needs to see how those diamonds are made. She needs to witness the blood. The only problem is that arms dealer would be
  • a lot more scary if they didn't have the ancient tradition of wearing grass skirts. She took the flight anyway and approached with trepadation. Tell me, she said
  • aren't those grass skirts a little flammable. I mean, one spark and it's good night Larry King, Hello Dr. Ruth!
  • "Dr. Ruth, my penis was singed in a grasskirt fire. Will my girlfriend be put off by the funny smell or curious burn marks?". The unflappable Dr. would reply, "
  • Ze girls they don't care about the meat as long as it's well done." That Dr. Ruth, she cracks me up. But I was still worried about my singed man parts as the evening progressed.
  • So I wore an adult diaper filled with a soothing jelly over my codpiece. It had the unintended appearance that my pants where full of feces but the minty aroma from the jelly was
  • pungent enough to attract a colony of Brazilian fire ants. The ants swarmed around me and ate my flesh all the way to the bone. And that is how I became an undead skeleton! THE END
Started
2011-01-01 15:33:13
Finished
2011-06-25 23:26:07

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