Dora the Explorer hated children. It was

  • Dora the Explorer hated children. It was the network's big secret. She lived in a retirement community that disallowed kids. She herself was 98, but due to Gary Coleman disease
  • she looked like she was 10. That had caused some trouble in the community.... she'd gone out of her way to prove she was actually 98. Dora was grateful for her Backpack, cause it
  • looked kind of like a giant raisin if she turned it inside out. What little girl would carry around a giant raisin? Once she had proved her elderly status, Dora was able to get
  • into R-rated movies. As Dora settled in with some Sno-Caps, an usher approached. "Ma'am, your map depicts Montenegro as independent. It's too young to see the film." Dora rolled up
  • a monster spliff, lit it, and blew the smoke in the usher's face. "Hit the bricks pal. You don't want any trouble here." The usher's jaw dropped and he left. Dora drank her slurpee
  • while admiring how he took another drag on the mummie. It took real skill to wrap one properly.Having the Halloween shindig in the old Hitchcock Cinema was a blast.Herman got a buz
  • off of some old gum left under a cinema seat. The mummy was getting impatient at being wrapped, & Anubis was clucking his tongue at the wrapper's poor technique, so he left. Herman
  • knew that Anubis had left the cinema entirely. Leaving the mummy wrapper to be told by Herman that his technique lacked finesse. Herman crawled under his seat and grabbed the gum
  • wad that was stuck there, then another & another...until he covered himself in chewed up wads of gum. Herman stickily pulled himself out from under the seats & through the theatre,
  • rolling along the floor and attracting dust from the carpet like a giant Swiffer. "It's a degrading way to earn a living," he said on his first night out. Then the mites attacked.


  1. martusino Feb 22 2013 @ 14:03

    This was great! I like how people leaving came back.

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