Sometimes I hear my wife talking on the phone
- Sometimes I hear my wife talking on the phone and I'm like, "What in the hell is she blathering about?" Ned sipped his Stolis and growled, "Wives? Wives? Well, what in the hell
- is wrong with you? Angela's been dead for 8 years Charly." Charly stared blankly. "Oh, yeah, guess I was just trying to relate" he said glumly. Ned finished his vodka. "Let me
- finish you now." Ned's pistol was filled with blanks, but it was just the impetus Charly needed to move to a remote island out of paranoia. "Isolating all bummers is the goal," Ned
- reported, sadly. "Bummers just don't make the grade, according to the new regulations. We can't allow 'em no network". Just then, the phone rang. It was Charly. "Ned", she said, "
- Charlie Brown wants to talk to you." Ned reluctantly picked up the iphone and chatted about how Snoopy had just been fired as the mascot for Met Life. Could Snoopy deliver pizzas?
- Because a local chain named Red Baron Pizza wanted him as their mascot.Ned was Snoopy's agent. He replied,"Listen Chuck, if you think we can teach an old dog new tricks, I'm game."
- Charlie Brown looked at Snoopy's agent, Ned, for the longest moment. So much pain & sorrow passed between them that neither ever suspected. Then, with a tear in his eye, Chuck said
- :"Why didn't you tell us, Snoopy?" Snoopy hung his head. Patty held up a court order for Snoopy to be neutered in 30 days: "We need to fight this!" Schroeder wrote music denouncing
- the false accusations Snoopy was facing. Charlie Brown held a riot at the city hall, each person holding a sign with phrases such as "Neutering Snoopy is a crime against humanity!"
- but in the end the deed was done. Snoopy was never able to father children, but went on to win hearts globally with his endearing castrato rendition of "Like a Lover".
- Started
- 2012-12-29 17:35:37
- Finished
- 2018-01-08 13:11:49
4 Comments
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Woab Jan 08 2018 @ 13:14
If any story deserved 100 likes, this would be it.
IceSquad Jan 08 2018 @ 13:23
Especially the part about Snoopy giving the Bee Gees a run for their money.
SlimWhitman Jan 09 2018 @ 01:23
Now we know why the high pitched yowls on the Peanuts specials...
SlimWhitman Jan 09 2018 @ 01:23
Bummer.