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"Hey Toby, have you been hangin' out with

  • "Hey Toby, have you been hangin' out with hookers in Missoula?", She asked him point blank.

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  • He had, but not for the reason she suspected. He secretly led a weekly self-empowerment class for these "working girls" of Missoula. He hadn't told Janice, because, frankly,

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  • he didn't want her horning in on his after-class gatherings down at The Old Post. There were a couple of promising candidates for future exes so he decided to accelerate the

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  • balloon payment on the mortgage. Now he had the power, he'd show his mom who was boss and then

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  • he'd force her to sleep in the small bedroom while he took the master suite, and he'd have second helpings of everything and dessert before dinner and she wouldn't be able to

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  • have any of it. When he was King he would be able to have all the toys and all the people would like him and they wouldn't like her and he would get to be the ruler with all

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  • that and his own room with an Xbox 360 and soda fountain and slot-car race track. When he was king, she would be sent to the dungeon and say how sorry she was a 1,000 times.

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  • But till he pulled the sword from the rock, he would not be king. His fragile frame could barely fill out the rags that was his cloths. He was besides himself, wondering what can

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  • a scrawny guy like me do to pull girls? Pity is not enough, for a pitiful flower may soon croak. But the tide of destiny filled Arthur, and the sword came easily free. Now what? he

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  • said, having a sword blade on the ground and a handle in one hand. Well, he could always go back to lassoing young females, but that was a bit sexist. And his roses were dying.

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