30

I wasn't done grieving for my father when

  • I wasn't done grieving for my father when my younger brother died. He was barely comfortable in the urn on the shelf when my best-dog-ever left this life, and mom died before the
  • funeral along with the twins in the accident, all my grandparents died at the funeral, my boss & coworkers in the explosion, girlfriend went missing, friends, neighbors all dead.
  • Through this twist of fate, I finally found myself FREE! Elated at the opportunity of starting my life over again, I decided the first thing I needed to do was choose a new name.
  • After considerable thought, I finally settled on Dick Gaylord. A manly-sounding name if there every was one. Next I needed a job. I'd have to invent a resume. I wanted to go into
  • reconditioning air-conditioning units pronto. However my 'puter autocorrected my new name to Dick, Lord of the Gays & when I got my new job I just had to go with it. I bought a
  • lottery scratcher ticket and won another ticket. With that ticket I won 5 dollars. I bought five more scratchers, the first 4 were losers, but that last ticket was also a loser.
  • But on the back of the loser ticket was an offer to win a free chance at a lottery for a LED lit fiber optic toothbrush. I bought three boxes of Crogmagnon Crunchies & sent them to
  • Hell to have it ready for me. I took the stage flashing my pearly whites to an unsuspecting audience. My smile couldn't have been any bigger. I signaled my henchman and here we are
  • are you going to let us in or what? "Wait, wut? You were up on stage and suddenly you are here at my door, on my lawn with all your -- hey is that henchman pissing on my gardenias?
  • How did he know I had a garden when Mr. Herring snuck out there and sang "Gardening at Night" with Michael Stipe when Mr.Herring and him planted the gardenias. It was a Full Moon!
Started
2014-08-10 21:29:25
Finished
2016-08-17 00:33:07

0 Comments

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!