If I had to hear one more fart joke from

  • If I had to hear one more fart joke from the backseat, I thought I might abandon the car. Not that I didn't find them funny, but it'd been going on for a solid 40 minutes, and now
  • the kids were breaking out of their restraints. "Of all the cars to hijack at the grocery store, I picked the one with a pre-K peanut gallery!" My ankle bracelet lit up as I turned
  • into the liquor barn. Damn judge. Hmmm...maybe I can send one of daughter's preschool friends to go up and buy me a gallon of vodka. I'll just write a note that says
  • : "The barer is allotted 2 liters of vodka. Payment in full upon delivery." The clerk looked down at the 3-year old. "I.D?" She handed a picture of a kitty. "Works for me."
  • He handed over the vodka to the toddler. Then "Heyyy, wait a minute. You're going to need a mixer to go with that. Here, have an OJ, on the house!" She smiled and unscrewed the cap
  • and heard screaming outside. "OJ! On the house! Oh my god, call the cops!" The alkie parents ran outdoors & saw their neighbor was correct: O.J. Simpson was up to his old tricks.
  • OJ Simpson was doing one of his re-enactments again. Unfortunately their neighbour was wearing a blond wig. "Here!" yelled the alkie parents, "get in the boot of our car!" She ran
  • helter-skelter toward the car and leapt into the trunk, but OJ was having none of that. He jumped on the hood of the car and began screaming. The parents said, "Mr. Simpson, don't
  • do that! Simmer down now & remember what happened last time you lost control!" This infuriated OJ further, so he jumped down & just started running down the freeway, his legs pumpi
  • ng the pedals. OJ had abruptly assumed his fate, crashing into an unmarked van. Several men fled out of the van, with their OJ T-shirts on, not aware of what had just.


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