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With friends like these, you have to wonder

  • With friends like these, you have to wonder where it all went wrong. Jonas was always popular in his heyday, but he never imagined that
  • he would find himself tied to a chair, blindfolded, and pantless. He wondered who his captor could be, and why he removed his pants. Scratch that, he didn't want all the answers.
  • "Well", he thought, "Thank heavens 'Casino Royale' is my favorite move. Otherwise the irony would have been lost on me."
  • It was often difficult to find a sex worker willing to give him a Casino Royale, so his superb luck in discovering that his blind date had an insatiable lust for the practice was
  • immensely gratifying. Too often he'd had to settle for a passionless Goldfinger or in one horrifying instance a Thunderball - which required a specialist surgeon to slice off and
  • sew back on his varicose-veined breasts. They looked like two sacks of blue yarn. Like to wrinkled alien heads. He wanted to disgust James Bond this time and
  • he had done his job to put the muffled-mouthed womanizing cretin in his place. He juggled his yarn breasts in his hands as he walked down the highway, disturbing motorists and
  • arousing the attention of an off-duty police officer heading home. The officer rolled down his window and said "Excuse me sir, but do you realize
  • pressure of a cop these days? it just makes you want to cry." I tried to roll up the window but he was hugging me inconsolably with heaving sobs. "Um... there, there?" Traffic was
  • breaking up. I rolled up the window a bit more to get him off me. As the taxi picked up speed, he was dragged alongside like a limp puppet, crushed in the window, still hugging me.

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