The guy rapped on the Gates and Saint Peter

The guy rapped on the Gates and Saint Peter answered. "Can I get in?" "Not until you atone for the murder of 56,176 living creatures." "I never killed anyone!" "Remember Halo?"

"How was I to know that killing someone in a virtual world counted against me at the final reckoning?" But St. Peter showed me the fine print. I had to return to earth & rescue

an attorney because the "fine print" that St. Peter showed me was one of those contracts where you click "I agree." I certainly did not agree that killing people in a virtual world

constituted my complicit "Merciful Act of God" God's social network killing was just another lazy adaptation to the 21st century. Let him do his own acts.

Or even, his own Acts. Either way, if he wanted to terminally unfriend those guys that badly, he should find some other cosmic, spooky, cataclysmic way of doing it. Was I his instr

uctor? If he wanted to unfriend his buddy list in the most macabre way possible, I was not the person to help him. I was secretly friending the middle eastern leaders with XOXOXOs

Because they were gaslighted by Emperor Amabo and his bootlickers. Embarrassing? Yes! But worth devously avoiding the Ministry of Truth. Yes! I transmogrified into a bird and fled

the Ministry of Truth. They would never find me as a bird, as I looked like the rest of the pigeons that lurked by the sea walk, hoping for food from the humans who unknowingly fed

crows pigeon food, no matter how many times we specify the differences in those educational videos we release every year. Either way, a pigeon hole isn't the place for an aspiring

young actor. W.C. Fields warned us all, do not work with animals or children. Now it would be up to the stunt coordinator to extract the kid known only as Curious Boy #2.