59

"What *are* marriage vows even? Rules? Guidelines?

  • "What *are* marriage vows even? Rules? Guidelines? More like suggestion box pipe dreams at best." Man, Craig sure knew how to talk me into justifying the dead hooker in my trunk.
  • But first, I reminded myself, I needed to dispose of the evidence. What did I leave behind? Fingerprints? DNA? Blood? I'm sure I wiped that off, but... Oh crap, Luminol!
  • I needed to be careful. To my twisted knowledge, I was the only serial killer who targeted the low-intelligent, defenseless, the cows. I worked at meat packing factory so no one wo
  • uld notice a few cows going missing. Fine, except for the day security at the gate noticed the gentle lowing from the boot of my car. "I'm taking some work home!" I stuttered,
  • The security guard shined a light in my face. "Sorry, sir please open the trunk." He lifted the latch and the man-eating cows pounced. My biotech smuggling days where over.
  • That wasn't the only thing at steak. The security guard headed for the hills. I whistled at the bio-engineered cows. I heard a distant moo and waited for them to come home
  • . But they never arrived. Puzzled, I jogged over the hills myself to see what the problem was. Oh. The bio-engineered cows had no legs. They were ground beef.
  • My assistant stuck her tongue out at me as she gave me a good ribbing. I would have to steak my prime reputation on going a cut above, or I'd be rump roast. I threw together some
  • rarities from Meatloaf's B-sides, and handed her the cassette tape. Even though she busted my chops, it only made to want to marinate and sautée her more.
  • She asked me if I put ketchup or catsup in the Meatloaf. I told her it included wheatgerm. She asked me if I had any horseradish, and I knew then her tastes were eclectic as mine.
Started
2013-07-02 22:24:55
Finished
2014-08-04 23:44:36

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Aug 08 2014 @ 04:38

    The steak pun appears twice, and you marrynated your tasteful partner - putting the 1st line and the last line together: did you dispose of the evidence?
  2. Avatar

    earthquakes Aug 08 2014 @ 11:24

    We had the evidence for dinner

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