Once when i was like seven, i squatted on
- Once when i was like seven, i squatted on my sisters head and
- I let a huge fart rip, but I had forgotten I had eaten the off yogurt hours before and I felt ew in the stomach. I'm sure she didn't appericate what happened next.
- Diarrhea began to pour out from inside of me, I seesawed all the way to the bathroom, on my way there though, all of the guests vomited from the putrid stench of it.
- So that's how my wedding was ruined. Lesson learned: never binge on week-old crab dip the night before anything important." He sat down - now it was my turn to impart wisdom upon
- the grooms-to-be, a support group for men to discuss how to manage bridezillas, dumb questions about decorations, pre-nups, & ex-lovers who might show up at the wedding. I stood up
- and shared my heartbreaking story about how I wanted a small wedding in a register office, but my fiancée was insisting on peonies, sugared almonds & bells. Lots of bells. Groom ab
- lowin' said the gnarled old Sea Captain. He officiated at our wedding. Just then my handsome father walked my slack-jawed groom to the alter. They put the nuptial parrot on my shou
- lder before declaring us husband ARRRRnd wife. I remember thinking that this Sea Captain, with his two hook hands, peg-leg and an eyepatch, still looked better than my new husband.
- But what could I do? Vows had been exchanged and I was determined to be faithful this time. Still, I found myself, late in the night, googling nude images of Captain Hook and Ahab
- Lincoln, my husband's long lost brother. Abraham Lincoln divorced me a week later. I forgot to go into incognito mode. And now I'm single once again.
- Started
- 2013-08-13 20:34:04
- Finished
- 2015-08-20 17:46:50
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