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In Search of Lost Time I counted: 180 characters

  • In Search of Lost Time I counted: 180 characters at 5 letters a word plus spaces is 30 words per fold, so 9,792 folds amounts to 293,760 words which at 250 word per page is 1175pp!
  • But then I got to thinking...why is this lost time? On the contrary, through the 1175 pages I've written here on FS, I've created new realities for others. I've made people laugh &
  • cry, giggle and gawk, and so much more. These writings, no matter how silly (or poorly-written in hindsight), have changed people. So when I began to write my magnum opus, I had FS
  • folders ghost write 99% of it. Each day, I'd delete the poo jokes, fart jokes, wee jokes & references to bizarre sexual practices from their copy. The meagre remains formed an opus
  • taedet. This literary room-temperature porridge sits on a lifeless plastic shelf shat out by IKEA sweatshop workers until a crust forms. The Opus Taedet is then printed out and
  • leads to divorce, cuz it's put in the IKEA box as assembly instructions, with a plastic bag containing all the Allen wrenches you need minus 1 screw not sold at any hardware store
  • . She's certain he screwed it up and lost the screw. He's defending his manhood with everything he has. The IKEA employees take bets on which one will come back yelling. Dale is
  • not going to let IKEA push him around. He placed a Q-tip in the screw hole of his BÖRSK loft bed. "There! Honey, It's done!" Later that night,
  • the bed collapsed, the bottom left leg sank through the floor. His wife sat up more angry than alarmed. "You stood up to IKEA alright. A Q-tip. You idiot," she spat and pushed him
  • onto the sofa which folded and buried him in a pile of fabric and assembly manuals. Smiling, she duct-taped it into a ball, attached the return sticker and kicked it out the door.
Started
2013-06-30 19:05:20
Finished
2015-04-04 09:48:14

3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Servant Apr 04 2015 @ 11:48

    Ironic! The Fold references disappeared in MoralEnd's fold, then a sofa folds in the last fold. It's a wrap!
  2. Avatar

    Servant Apr 04 2015 @ 11:50

    A fold wrapped up in duct tape that is.
  3. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Apr 04 2015 @ 12:03

    good ending grok - really cuminated the growing IKEA angst. I^s not lost time to read this story.

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