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Wild animals are fantastic. Love 'em. But

  • Wild animals are fantastic. Love 'em. But when a male cricket begins stridulating within my premises, my domocile, my castle, it's war. That insect's going down. He could be Jiminy
  • Cricket for all I care. Or Buddy Holly's Crickets. Gonna squash that sucker 'til all the juice comes squirtin' outta him. Now if I could only find him. Oh I can hear him, but can't
  • see him. It's downright maddening! Wait, I thought, what if it really is Jiminy Cricket? I can't be the one to squash that Jiminy chap. Then who'd sing "When You Wish Upon a Star"?
  • So I picked up the cricket, he sang "When you wish upon a star." So I looked up and made a wish on the biggest star in the sky. I wished to be the greatest poet on Alderaan. A gree
  • n light suddenly shone out from the star, but before I could react, I was dragged into a shielded bunker as my planet exploded around my ears. Now I was the only poet on Alderaan.
  • Being the only poet on the remnants of Alderaan was a huge responsibility. After the destruction of their planet by that death star, the few survivors of Alderaan were desperate
  • for potent and medicinal words of Alderaanian origin, arranged into patterns like Hydronian charm bracelets, except for their minds instead of their patronizing elitist wrists. The
  • -ir minds chafed and turned green at the edges from these rather ill-conceived trinkets, for they were not ready for this sort of enlightenment. So they threw them off and returned
  • to comforting idiocy and blissful ignorance like it was their childhood home. Also, the Trinckets of Enlightenment were quite tacky and totally last season. Stupidity looks natural
  • on you, my dear Archibald; but I refuse to bow down—like all the other mindless munchkins—and kiss the ring of the biggest pile of doo-doo this side of Bowlegs, Oklahoma.
Started
2013-06-13 00:00:04
Finished
2019-05-09 08:13:45

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    LordVacuity May 09 2019 @ 17:47

    What about on the other side of Bowlegs, OK?
  2. Avatar

    Woab May 10 2019 @ 14:05

    There is no other side of Bowlegs, Oklahoma. Loved your line, Jimbeau!

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