Red alert! Red alert!

  • Red alert! Red alert!
  • The sirens screamed and the lights flashed red. Jacob said, "Not red alert again".
  • And Odysseus said to his men: "Tie me to the mast and plug your ears – and I will prove to the world that I can withstand the lure of the sirens!" Jacob and the men looked at him
  • strangely. "Didn't know you were into that. OK, time for a little sensory deprivation, lads." Once Odysseus was strung up, they stuck fishing lures to him. When the sirens blew
  • he found himself transported four years into the future. "Welcome, Odysseus. We've been waiting for you." When his eyes finally focused, he saw the voice had come from a cow.
  • It was a cow with one eye in the middle of her forehead (between her horns) and a voice that sounded like angels mooing. Just imagine that, if you can. Odysseus was quite taken
  • and saw Phaedra in a new light. If her bull was anything like this heifer... Odysseus stopped his train of thought. The one eyed cow saw through Odysseus, to those behind him. His
  • eye settled on the chocolate cake. "Odysseus, I want chocolate cake!" whined the cow. Odysseus said, "Chocolate cake!? Where!?" He spun and saw. "Chocolate cake! For breakfast!"
  • "If I give you chocolate cake," said Odysseus, "will you make chocolate milk?" The cow paused, looking thoughtful. "If I'm in the right MOO-d," she replied.
  • Odysseus rolled his eyes. “If there’s anything I hate more than a talking cow it’s a talking cow spouting ‘MOO’ puns constantly!” Perturbed, the cow replied, “I’m UDDERly ashamed!"


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